Donkey-Care: Federal Health Care for Fat Asses

While doing my morning reading of the news, I stumbled upon an AP story that brought me endless amusement. Every year, hundreds of thousands of tourists visit an old gold mining town in north-western Arizona. Oatman is a miniscule western town with but one street. In its heyday, it was a booming community of miners and businesses that catered to the mining companies and their employees. Today, it is one of many destinations of visitors touring the “old west”. Oatman was where Clark Gable and Carole Lombard honeymooned in 1939.

Perhaps, Oatman’s biggest attraction these days are the wild Donkeys that live in the surrounding land and often wander through the town looking for food. Descended from Donkeys released into the wild by miners, they have flourished over the years. The many tourists are happy to feed the Burros carrots, apples, “Burro chow” and just about anything else as these Donkeys are not very particular about what they wolf down. Virtually every store in Oatman sells Ass snacks. They also sell snacks for Burros too….

Apparently, these animals are so well fed that many no longer forage for food in the countryside. Indeed, they have become rather bothersome in the town, begging like Beagles for their chow.

AP Story: Click here.

These wild Donkeys are under the protection of the Federal Bureau of Land Management (BLM), Department of the Interior. Herein lies the problem. BLM is very concerned that the animals have become overweight.

I spend a great deal of time tracking the goings on within the Federal Government. Yet, I never realized that there was a Federal agency responsible for managing the health of fat Jackasses.

Can the Jacks and Jennys opt out of the Government program? Is their apparent obesity raising the health care costs of healthy Jackasses? Perhaps the Feds should offer discount gym memberships. ”Dollars for Donkeys”, public assistance in getting the fat off of the Asses.

It does seem ironic that a Federal agency that oversees the well being of fat Asses would not be doing so within the city limits of Washington, DC.

Attention Department of the Interior; your most needy constituency is just a short walk up Constitution Avenue.

Within the context of the current debate on Government run health care, does it not seem reasonable that the Democrats might want to examine the Department of the Interior's program to protect the health of the common equus asinus?

Another thing that I find disturbing is that the Donkeys are in good conformance with the USDA food pyramid. They eat a low fat, high carbohydrate diet with lots of fruit, vegetables and grains. Yet, they are getting ever more fat. A perfect reflection of American society. If the USDA doesn't get a grip on what really makes people obese, than perhaps the Oatman Jackasses will testify to the error of their thinking. At least the Feds can easily relate to the study patients...

USDA Dietary Guidelines