Did you meet the Mayor of Stupidville today?

Finding Stupidville is an easy task. You don’t need a GPS. Your car’s navigation system isn’t required. Leave the road map in the glove box. No need to ask directions at a gas station. You already live there and the city limits are infinite.

Stupidville is as intangible as the emerald city of Oz. Yet, it’s real and it’s everywhere. Stupidville is as omnipresent as air. Most people are unwitting residents. There are good odds are that you have already met the Mayor. Maybe it was in a convenience store, perhaps on line at the local Lowes. The Mayor doesn't wear a badge, or hand out business cards, but is known to everyone who has ever ventured outside of their home.

Not long ago, I met the Mayor of Stupidville when I stopped at the 7-11 store for a newspaper. He was buying $60 in lottery tickets while his pre-school age daughter stood alongside in filthy clothes and matted hair. I leaned over and said, “you know, you’re a shoe-in for re-election.”

He only frowned in reply. Mayors are not always happy to talk politics with constituents.

I met the Mayor of Stupidville on Valentine’s day, in the parking lot of a strip mall. He wheeled his Lexus SUV into a handicapped parking space and hooked a disabled driver parking pass onto his mirror. Leaping from Lexus, the Mayor sprinted towards a greeting card store.

“Hello Mayor!”, I shouted.

Without even a glance my way, he burst through the door. I suppose that Mayors are often too busy being socially conscious to remember Valentine’s day.

Just last week I saw the Mayor on the highway. She was driving in the passing lane with a cell phone pressed to her ear. Her other hand showed a pinky and ring finger curled around the steering wheel of her BMW, while a lit cigarette was clamped between the middle and index fingers.

As the BMW drifted into the center lane, I offered her a friendly toot of the horn in recognition. In return, I received a gracious one finger wave in reply. I see another Mayoral term in her future.

This very morning, I met the Mayor yet again. Being a civil servant, Mayors are often called upon to help their local community. She was driving a mini-bus today, no doubt giving the regular driver a well-earned day off. Slowing as she signaled a right turn, the Mayor made a left turn as traffic began passing on her left. It was fortunate that one of the other drivers recognized the Mayor, and avoided a collision by driving over a curb. With the busy schedule that goes with the job, the Mayor didn't have time to stop and check on the woman, whose car now had a bent wheel and a flat tire. The Mayor had to get those children to school on time, you know.

While public service is a wonderful goal, I think I’m going to pass on running for office in Stupidville. There are more than enough candidates.