The Great Corolla Blight

How many times have you been driving down a two-lane road stuck behind a slow moving line of traffic? If you are a typical driver, this is a daily experience. While traffic may be crawling along due to a large truck, or a slow moving construction vehicle; in many instances it is a passenger car that’s clogging the neck of the funnel. Too often that passenger car is a Toyota Corolla.

Corollas are very popular with the driving public. This is predictable when one considers that these cars offer superior build quality, excellent reliability and have very good resale value. If those are your primary motivations for purchasing a car, then the Corolla may be your gold standard. However, those same motivations usually exclude factors such as “fun to drive”. I have never found the Corolla to be a “fun” car. Competent and reliable, but a long way from being fun. Nonetheless, this piece is not about the car itself. It's about the people who drive it.

My observation is that Corolla owners shop for transportation like you might shop for a refrigerator. They want to take it home, plug it in and never think about it thereafter. In general terms, this segment of the driving population seldom drives for pleasure, but out of necessity. My experience tells me that people who do not enjoy a task do not perform it well. They will, however, purchase a car that makes their driving experience as painless as possible.

Before I go much further, I should state that I view the Corolla as a frequent stepping-stone to the ultimate boring ride; the Toyota Camry. Archeologists have found 100,000 year-old flint knives that had more edge than the Camry. Nonetheless, dull is hip among the masses who believe “Everybody Loves Raymond” represents their concept of highbrow, hoity-toity entertainment. Of course, the masses’ previous fascination with Seinfeld only proves that dull and wussified can be immensely profitable.

So, who buys the Corolla, what is the demographic? Well, you don’t need a Madison Avenue type to determine this; simply look in the cars and observe who is behind the wheel. Women seem to constitute the bulk of Corolla drivers, with perhaps 60% of the drivers being female.

Men drive the Corolla too, and unlike the ladies; many men feel the need to disguise this fact by adding over-the-top after-market items, like ultra-low profile tires and ridiculously large wings. I recently observed a new Corolla with a wing so large that its drag certainly reduced the car’s already tepid performance. Driving this horror was a bookish looking fellow who gave me the impression that he couldn’t buy a clue if he had Bill Gates’ fortune.

My thought is that if you want a sports car, buy one. No amount of after-market doohickeys can disguise the fact that they are driving one of the preeminent poop-mobiles on the road today.

That said, if one wants a sports car, Toyota does not offer one these days. They offer nothing that could be classified as fun or entertaining. I look at Toyota as the Japanese Buick.

At one time, Toyota offered several sports cars, such as the Supra and the MR2. The Supra disappeared after the 1998 model year. They discontinued the MR2 two years ago due to poor sales. You can blame that on Toyota's failure to upgrade horsepower and no attempt to market the car. It was a marvelous little car, with great handling, reliability and huge fun factor.

Visit your local Toyota dealer today, and what do you find? You find a selection of vehicles that are competent, reliable and utterly uninspiring. Yet, this is a certain recipe for success based upon the average driver.

Look at the Prius as the perfect example. Touted as a "green" alternative, the Prius must be driven for at least eight years at 12,000 miles per year to break even on its high initial price, and that's based upon $3.50 gasoline. Over six years, the Honda Fit or Mini Cooper are less expensive to operate. How many people keep a car longer than six years these days? Moreover, the Fit and Mini are far better cars in terms of driving dynamics, performance and fun. A majority of those who buy a Prius do so under the illusion that they will save money. The sad fact is that they will not save a dime, especially when gas prices hover around $2.00 per gallon.

Toyota has become a paragon of quality. Yet, their cars lack personality and soul. Without these two intangibles, their vehicles have become the automotive equivalent of Cultural Revolution's unisex gray suit. Ideal for the masses, but not for me.